"find the spark that is buried deep"

to understand how this can make me feel bad somehow ... you should know that in all of highschool the number of days I missed can be counted on one hand, and the number of classes I missed at Mac can be counted on half a hand, and the number of classes missed at Carleton need not be counted ... so when I went to the gym today for my spinning class, you can imagine I was pretty ticked that I pulled a skirt out of my gym bag instead of my shorts. and I could hardly go in my jeans, or the skirt. so I skipped. I know SHAME! (and not because I missed a class, more because I felt so bad about it ... maybe the best therapy for this worry I have should be skipping class for a week?)

matthew perryman jones - out of the shadows.

ps. go sens go?

all in a day ...

someone just told me today, "if you have to live with it, you might as well find ways to enjoy it" this is obviously referring to winter in Ottawa. now i am thinking of all places in Canada Ottawa is the one to be in in the winter. i mean, there is the canal, there is the canal, and there is the canal. and beaver tails. now, it is already almost february (eek!) and i still have not purchased skates, and despite a non-growing economy, and strict budgeting on my part, i should get some skates, at least i have to try find some second-hand ones. and i should get some people together to go tobogganing ...

now, today has been a long one! currently i am listening to some dutch music via youtube, studying macroeconomic models, and waiting for a movie to load, and carrying on a conversation via MSN, while also keeping an eye on the score of the senators - blues game. the score is 0-0 at this point. what also has been long is the time between my latest blog post and this one ... assuming that i remember to publish my post, or assuming that it is publish-worthy. or not for that matter. but i have been busy. busy procrastinating on life, ie. i have been doing some schoolwork, and i have been paying a lot of attention to the news, and to the latest budget news. definitely some interesting stuff.

today i opted to attend an optional, but recommended, class about DSGE modelling and Matlab. equally interesting stuff. kind of. not really. then i surprised myself by going to study at the library, which was precisely what needed to happen today.

i was about to update the score to 1-0 for Ottawa, but since I am so preoccupied with many things by the time i got around to typing this it is already 1-1. allright, so after the library i went home around 2 to beat rush hour traffic which starts at 2.30 in Ottawa (since the strike, which is finally over i just read on the news). i cleaned out my parking spot with a small shovel and did some groceries. i also picked up some socks for the LOVE Ottawa, a program initiated by our church here in Ottawa. this coming sunday we will be handing out soup and socks in the downtown area, and since my soup does not turn out here like it would back home, so socks it is! i also managed to spend some 70 dollars at the grocery store, and i even bought veggie burgers rather than real ones because for one, they are cheaper, and two, they are significantly more nutritious. no protein speech will make me change my mind about that.

i also watched two documentaries. one about teachers in thailand, and one about migrants from africa coming into yemen. i guess sometimes i am more interesting about learning anything other than economic theory. funny that.

anyways, since a lot of my friends have been completing 30 things about me lists, i am going to see if i can finish one over the weekend. after i complete a labour asssignment that is. still 1-1.

till later!

Virtual Greeting

Happy 23rd Anniversary Mom & Dad!

It is not the curse of Ottawa ...

Although this is not a hockey blog, since hockey is one of my favourite sports I am bound to feel like writing a blog post about it ...

Tonight I actually went to see the other Ottawa hockey team at the Civic Centre, where the Ottawa 67's played the Niagara Ice Dogs. Since I had only ever seen an OHL game in Owen Sound, I was not sure what to expect ... but I like what I saw! Certainly Owen Sound will always be my number one OHL team, but Ottawa will be a close second, and not only because I think their jerseys are awesome. Since the 67's record has not been too bad this season, and they managed a 6-2 win over Pietrangelo's team, I think that means we cannot blame the Senators' lack of a good season on the city, or the weather.

Our seats were also pretty good, right behind the opposing players bench, although it must be said those seats have two drawbacks. One, the stench. Two, the players always stand up when something exciting happens. Also, after seeing the Dance Team at Ricoh Coliseum, for the Toronto Marlies, I thought there couldn't be a worse dance team in sports, well yes there is. The choreography here in Ottawa consists of exactly two moves.

Anyways, the Civic Centre is a rather huge facility for an OHL team, and with more than 8,000 fans in attendance, that is already 4 times as much as Owen Sound has on a good day. And the fans are great. Really great. So I hate to say this, but now that the World Junior Hockey Championships are over, it is best to head over to the Civic Centre for some quality hockey rather than Scotiabank Place, until you know the problems there are sorted ....

Anyways, I think I am going to rank this as worth repeating.

I also learned that Second Cup carries a number of secret beverages, and that London Fog should not be confused with English fog. Although I am sure the waitress/barrista/coffee lady at Second Cup on Bank will remember for evermore my order ...

U2 - Kite

ps. Go Sens Go!

Lesson of the Day

When there is not a lot of snow at the beginning of the winter, and you are at Wal-Mart store, and you see a snow shovel, and you say to your roommate, "Hmmm .... maybe we should get a snow shovel, might be handy" and they say "Nah, we won't need it" then stand still for a second, and buy it!

Because trust me, you will need it, and you will wish you bought it.

Seriously, after Christmas, snow isn't so cute anymore. And neither is the strike.

Back to School Blues

I am back in the City! Back to school tomorrow morning at 8. There still are no buses running, but the canal is OPEN! And Canada still has a chance of winning the World Junior Championship (although I have decided that it might not be so bad, if Canada did not win).

Anyways, the holidays were as eventful as uneventful. But more about that to come!

Happy New Year Everyone!

"we have the answers ... but what are the questions"

i am pondering the all canadian question: to bring a hockey stick or not to bring a hockey stick?

full moon - black ghosts

"i've got nothing else to do, but waste this lazy afternoon"

i really wish that was true.

1 more final. 1 more paper. 1 more week. many more late nights, coffees and coffees.

"en dan zeg jij, dat je eenzaam bent"

I have been studying all day long, but the only article/exchange I read today was a good one.

"My hope is that we all seek to create a world where every life is seen as precious and where those who feel lost and lonely find themselves because they have been found" ~ Jean Vanier

op straat - guus meeuwis

"how do we sleep when our beds are burning"

this quote comes from the lyrics for the song "beds are burning" because i want to make a political post, and thought of the australian minister who quoted part of this song during question period in the australian parliament.

the department of finance has put together a nice little (that should say, long) statement on the state of the economy:
2008 economic statement.
(in case you are not bombarded with finals, and have not seen it yet, and are slightly interested ... )

i have been following the financial crisis and the government's response, as much as school lets me devote time to extra-curricular activities (which in this case is anything that is not studying). and for my study breaks i read the comments people make to headlines in the globe and mail regarding the government's response, and plans for the future. (no multi-billion dollar bailout for us). and i will applaud some of the comments, but many times i am outraged or utterly confused at some of the things people say, think, and suggest. i mean, even though textbooks rarely spew the truth, it might be good to catch up on some political science, public choice, and economic literature for some people.

12:48 am. bed time.

ps. sens win! sens win! sens win! sens win! sens win! sens win! sens win!

"take me back in time"

Leafs-SENS tonight.

i have seen the posters across campus, and i am really wishing i did not have a HUGE final on monday.

i am also wishing i could travel back in time, to the good, old barclay days. so we could eat pizza, drink beer, and throw hockey smalk talk back and forth.

instead: producer theory.

guus meeuwis - toen ik je zag

"laat me in mijn dromen geloven"

i used to love this song so much. listening to it again, paired with such a fabulous performance, just gives me goose bumps. if you have time, or need something to listen to while studying ... i recommend you look up some of the other songs from the symphonica in rosso concert (i am betting rosso means red ...). it is all dutch though.

"boots with the fur"

actually without the fur ...

... but after spending my morning downtown ottawa, catching bus to bus to bus, and waiting among endless puddles, i realized my leaking shoes are not going to get me through an Ottawa winter. so i splurged, and got some real boots. where real means, no pom poms. i will never wear pom poms.

bring on the freeze! figuratively. because i would not object to a mild winter.

on another note, one more week and i will never have to take a microeconomics course again!


guus meeuwis - tranen gelachen

"finding out along the way"

i could really go for lemon cheesecake frozen yogurt in a waffle cone from TCBY right about now. too bad there is not one right around the corner from here ...

bad company - ready for love (from this week's supernatural episode)

"lift up your head, wednesday"

we did not win the dodgeball championship, and instead of moving on in the playoffs had the chance to play trivia instead. there as a team, we won a free pitcher of beer, and a gift certificate, for which we bought more beer. i say that makes us champions anyways. and we can conclude we will always be students first, and athletes second.

on call - kings of leon

the next few weeks are going to be not pretty at all. and after reading this (from Drazen's book "Political Economy in Macroeconomics") i am thinking: how about it ... eh?

straight out of the history books

it is funny how i am thinking in terms of facebook statuses (status'?)

thus,

gesiena cannot believe that she just came across this song ....

sum of sums

again i will have to post a post of many posts to sum up the many sums of random thoughts i have accumulated over the last week, and have remembered today.

***

i love the show de lama's. it is so gut-wrenchingly funny. i say that, because that show makes me hurt from laughter. i am just looking up the meaning of gut-wrenching, and i am finding it might not really be the right word for this context. but i am choosing to keep it. i am also finding myself wanting to do some improv right now. just like we used to do in barclay for birthday parties.

***

i love sinterklaas. i love pepernoten and chocolate letters. just love it.

***

Jan Vayne and Armin van Buuren


***

I have also been revisiting some of my favourite childhood television shows: o.a. alfred j. kwak, peppi en kokki and pingu:


***

three losses in a row? that had better end tonight.

***

Serbian abortionist becomes pro-life activist

***

radiohead - on call

wednesday meddlings

i have finally made peace with a change in schedule and a change in my education timeline. i have also organized a schedule for the next few weeks to help me make it through. in the meantime i am counting down to christmas ... but the christmas music can wait a little longer, as for the snow and the cold weather.

although i have been finding it a PITA already, I would encourage everyone to vote for the NHL All Star Team. and even if you dont care to vote, the 14 day subscription to XM radio alone is worth it ... seriously. and then once you are on the site you might as well vote for all the senators candidates!

i am off to dodgeball. the last game of the regular season. and i vowed to catch every single ball. even though that is aiming a little high, with other people aiming really low. if you know what i mean ;-) bad pun ... i know!

and for a random note: if i were to make a roadmix today,
nice dream - radiohead
on call - kings of leon
use somebody - kings of leon
rest my chemistry - interpol
somehow - jason collett
danko/manuel - driveby truckers
decode - paramore
would have to appear on it.

to drop or not to drop?

DROP.

in all of highschool, and all of my undergraduate degree I have never dropped a course. ever.

now, after spending a few weeks in indecision i have decided about 40 minutes before the deadline to drop a course i have spend hours studying for, and even more than hours slaving over an assignment for. it is not that i was failing it, or hating it (not that i would ever post my mid-term grade on the fridge though), but simply a matter of logistics and stress levels. you see, the failing and hating is really directed to a couple of core courses that i simply cannot fail. but i might. thus, after hours upon hours of debate, my mom helped me decide to drop it. thanks mom!

now, since i can't help but feel a little bit like a failure, i need to blog about it, simply to deal with it. and since you are reading this right now, i can't help but share it with you. now, i know most people just drop it, and don't worry about taking an extra semester to finish ... i do. even though i will probably one of the youngest to graduate with my class anyways.

i could probably go on for quite a bit about the program, my frustrations and my failures, but i am going to reserve some of those for the letter i will be writing to the dean/administrator/head person of the program. now, on to finishing an assignment over the weekend.

on a happy note: i finally got my hair cut. fisher knows how to score again. the US presidential elections are over. and it is weekend! and it is good that i made a decision. i think it is much easier to live with a decision than to continually think about having to make it, because there is never enough 40 minute walks home from school to help me.

somehow - jason collett
"and what's worse, i always thought you were stronger"

Existence of God - Ravi Zacharias Lecture

It is definitely worth your time to watch the entire lecture. As a point of reference I have added some links to some of the material he speaks of during his lecture.

• The Parable of the Madman (1882)
• Below is a transcript of the discussion between a student at Nottingham and Ravi Zacharias about evil and morality.

Student: There is too much evil in this world; therefore, there cannot be a God!
Speaker: Would you mind if I asked you something? You said, “God cannot exist because there is too much evil.” If there is such a thing as evil, aren’t you assuming that there is such a thing as good?
Student: I guess so.
Speaker: If there is such a thing as good, you must affirm a moral law on the basis of which to differentiate between good and evil.
Speaker: In a debate between the philosopher Frederick Copleston and the atheist Bertrand Russell, Copleston said, “Mr. Russell, you do believe in good and bad, don’t you?” Russell answered, “Yes, I do.” “How do you differentiate between good and bad?” challenged Copleston. Russell shrugged his shoulders and said, “On the basis of feeling – what else?” I must confess, Mr. Copleston was a kindlier gentleman than many others. The appropriate “logical kill” for the moment would have been, “Mr. Russell, in some cultures they love their neighbors; in other cultures they eat them, both on the basis of feeling. Do you have any preference?”
Speaker: When you say there is evil, aren’t you admitting there is good? When you accept the existence of goodness, you must affirm a moral law on the basis of which to differentiate between good and evil. But when you admit to a moral law, you must posit a moral lawgiver. That, however, is
who you are trying to disprove and not prove. For if there is no moral lawgiver, there is no moral law. If there is no moral law, there is no good. If there is no good, there is no evil. What, then, is your question?
Student: What, then, am I asking you?

• Bertrand Russell
• King Crimson-Epitaph - "knowledge is a deadly friend, if no one sets the rules"
• John Wisdom - Parable of the Invisible Gardener
• Anthony Flew: 'Once upon a time two explorers came upon a clearing in the jungle. In the clearing were growing many flowers and many weeds. One explorer says, 'Some gardener must tend this plot'. The other disagrees, 'There is no gardener'. So they pitch their tents and set a watch. No gardener is ever seen. 'But perhaps he is an invisible gardener'. So they set up a barbed-wire fence. They electrify it. They patrol with bloodhounds. 1(For they remember how H. G. Wells's Tbe Invisible Man could be both smelt and touched though he could not be seen.) But no shrieks ever suggest that some intruder has received a shock. No movements of the wire ever betray an invisible climber. The bloodhounds never give cry. Yet still the Believer is not convinced. 'But there is a gardener, invisible, intangible, insensible to electric shocks, a gardener who has no scent and makes no sound, a gardener who comes secretly to look after the garden which he loves'. At last the Sceptic despairs, 'But what remains of your original assertion? just how does what you call an invisible, intangible, eternally elusive gardener differ from an imaginary gardener or even from no gardener at all? 2 "
• Francis Collins - director of the Human Genome Project. Below is an image of the Rose Window and DNA.

• The article in USA Today about a study on the existence of evil. Although I am not 100 percent sure this is the article he is speaking of, it does make for an interesting read.
• 10 million Indian girls eradicated.
• Article in the Houston Chronicle. "Boy, 11, fights for funeral for stillborn sister"
• "But purer, and higher, and greater will be, Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see" - lyrics of To God be the Glory. Note that this website also provides the sheet music for this song.
• "Search for four absolutes: evil, justice, love and forgiveness. Do you know of one event in the world where these four converged? they converged on the cross of Jesus Christ. Evil was seen for what it was. Justice was made out by a righteous and a holy God. Love was displayed unparalleled, to a point where he looks at a young man and says to him "take of her" she is now your mother. A cosmic drama was unfolding, and he cared for one woman who had so cared for him and nurtured him. Forgiveness, that He is willing to wipe your slate clean"