still digging

celebration!
i take back my last post. gerber was just screaming: have a little faith in me. and faith we have. as for the capitals - lightning game happening right now: i am sure it is making ottawa feel a little embarassed with the capitals leading tampa by 4. yeah. i know. well, tonight makes up for sunday's game. noteworthy happenings: ottawa scored in the second period. one powerplay goal. goals by eaves, fisher, schubert, neil. dominated the first period. +10. volkenchov still injured. next game at home.

i watched the first part of episode 13 of prison break on youtube: how am i supposed to wait until the new year!? i can't help watching this show. if only because they are brothers, and the swans. especially the swans. as for gift buying: missions accomplished. of course i cannot say anymore than that because i would want to give away my (secret) santa's - for how much that is worth, seeing that it has not been so secretive. oh well: it's all in good fun.

as for school: i am pretty sure i barely passed my econometrics midterm and i still don't know what classes to take next semester. tough stuff. on to writing my review now, and then studying for exams. in the meantime i am just looking forward to a weekend at home, even though i will be spending most of it in the library.

19 days until holidays. 27 days until christmas. the countdown is on.
song: evans blue - cold

just average

every good episode comes to an ending. just as a bad would. but this cliffhanger left the senators "struck" by lightning, and monday we'll have to see if they survived it.
in the meantime, i think my confidence is approaching failure rate, as the senators have fallen below .500. again. (i don't think i am the only one disappointed: see here.)
let's just hope there will be more than average coming out of this team.

so melodramatic. i know. but it is in there. somewhere. but really: in where? so confused.

song: once in a lifetime - shinhwa (my tribute to korean boy bands - and cindy, and sherry)

challenge

"learn the truth. love the truth. live the truth"

uit de schaduw

Van het vallen van de avond
tot het einde van de nacht
heb je weer eens te ver gezocht
terwijl het voor je voeten lag

Je bent van ver gekomen
je hebt het ver gebracht
dus als het even tegenzit
bedenk dan wie het laatste lacht

Stap uit de schaduw en loop in de zon
kijk om je heen en zie wat er komt
je haalt uit elke nieuwe dag
meer dan je ooit had verwacht

Een groot en sterk verlangen
of een kleine stille wens
zolang je durft te dromen komt
vanzelf voor jou dat ene moment

Stap uit de schaduw en loop in de zon
kijk om je heen en zie wat er komt
je haalt uit elke nieuwe dag
meer dan je ooit had verwacht
meer dan je ooit had verwacht

Je weet dat niets voor altijd kan zijn,
alles een keer verdwijnt
achter de horizon
je wilt wel terug
maar het maakt niet uit
je kunt alleen vooruit
dus loop in de zon ...

Stap uit de schaduw en loop in de zon
kijk om je heen en zie wat er komt
je haalt uit elke nieuwe dag
meer dan je ooit had verwacht
meer dan je ooit had verwacht
meer dan je ooit had verwacht







Also check out: music video for "hoe het voelt"

target

highly unproductive and bored: i even created a utility model for housecleaning - using functions, variables, maximization, summations, etc. i know that is what i have succumbed to. i am also drinking a cup of organic green tea with brown rice. i am told it must be japanese as they tend to add interesting items to their tea. and it is true: taking a sip of tea becomes like sticking your nose in a haybarn. furthermore my brain is functioning at low capacity: i could not even remember my pinnumber at the print shop. i think to be safe i won't leave the house, and just try to get some studying done. at least i got new printer ink, and at least one printer on the top floor will work somewhat properly. as for interesting things: i came across a video on youtube. i know you are thinking to yourself: no way a video. but yes. it was about islam in the netherlands. it turned out to be about dutch girls who became muslims. i thought it was rather scary. especially the comments people made. anyways; time for dinner. perogies! (they remind of the times that i wished to marry a polish man that could make perogies; luckily i am passed that stage now).

song: reamonn - tonight

exactly that

it has been a pretty good day. yay to fridays! well any day spend baking cookies, doing some studying, catching up with friends is a good day.

____________________________________________________________________

just a few random thoughts.

cellphones. on the bus, on the walk to school, in the library, and even in class, in the bathroom. yes, in the bathroom. and not even in front of the mirror. no, on the toilet. is that really necessary?

fish. i love fish. i really do. but a tuna sandwich in class, right beside me? that does not make going to econometrics any more enjoyable than it already is. i am sorry.

streetlights. on the creepiest part of the walk home from school in the dark, the streetlights on sterling will turn off as i pass by. it really makes the shadows bigger, and i will walk just a little faster. i am starting to think it is part of an evil plot ... eek!

flyleaf. because my playlists on my computer are giving me much grief, i have resorted to music on yahoo etc. the only problem is that one in five songs is by flyleaf. and this person does not make music. it is more like headache material.

my computer. sometimes my dellie is really great. but when i am writing a paper; it does not make me too happy when it freezes. rewriting even one sentence is a waste of time.

questions. i know they say that no question is a stupid question. not true. asking the same question within a minute is not cool. especially if it is on material that you have been taught at least three times before.

junk mail. i think i spend about 4 seconds twice a day deleting junk mail. that is like 49 minutes a year.

sigh. i think my biggest problem is procrastination.

as for interesting developments. being a history student I am glad Stephen Harper stood up to put some perspective on Quebec. honestly, they should have separated before Canada even existed. or not. i don't really care. it is just good to know there have been some developments as part of an endless bickering.
as for bickering: what is with the westdale alliance against drunk students ... honestly. i drink like one beer a year.
_____________________________________________________________________
right now the Senators are playing the Florida Panthers. they are one goal behind; and i am considering sitting the third period out. i should really study. Oh, make that a tie. No actually, one goal ahead. yay to sherry watching the game on her computer allowing me to run over to watch the replay on the good goals :-)!! Just as i am writing this, i happen to be listening to "We are the Champions (Ding a Dang Dong)" by Crazy Frog. i know. that is where it is at.
this game is just killing me. oh; and make that leading by two. yay to the heatley hat trick! I realize this commentary is all over the place, and without substance: i blame the sugar and the cookies.

there is just something about a man in a faceoff ...

song: The Fray - Over My Head.

almost

""Meaningless! Meaningless!"says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises. The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course. All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again. All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow." Ecclesiastes 1.

_

when i was reading this passage last night, i thought it was very interesting that the teacher in this passage asks the same questions we do. what is our purpose? it just seemed to be very comforting that this is (almost) a timeless question. especially with exams coming close, and deadlines i am guilty of trying to figure out this purpose. i know what it is, but the difficulty is in applying it to all aspects of life. in the end it's just a greater distraction, and thus i procrastinate and then it just gets more stressful: a never ending cycle.

_

on the topic of asking questions: where does the word deadline come from? i looked it up on wikipedia; but this "valuable" source of information fails me on this ... from other google sources i learn it is this (see picture below). despite the fact he is a deadline; i think he is actually kind of cute.

as for the hockey game tonight: after the first half of the game i was ready to hand in my two weeks notice. it was not going well. but with only the second overtime this season the senators were able to get their skates back on, and redden buried the puck. it was a bit of a disappointing game from the aspect of the first line; good thing its not my favourite because of skill (or looks for that matter); thus, i will happily be cheering for the next game.

_

in the meantime: i am hoping to get this paper done on the modernization in Japan; while singing along to ... actually no song for the week. that is probably why everything seems to be a bit off this week: i am just not tuned right. any suggestions?

double take

after a long night of class - another senators' sweep! with another victory over a division leader: we have turned the tables.

one more mid-term down. after 27 guesses on 27 questions hopefully my luck can match up with that of the sens. i also had the opportunity to go to a talk by the governor of the bangladesh central bank. very interesting. what i learned: you can have economic development with a low level of income. back to studying.

i own nothing. i owe everything.

got my game face back on

having chewed off almost all my nails; i am glad to report another victory over the buffalo sabres. despite the frustrating referee-ing and the cheap shots from briere - schaefer, phillips, heatley and vermette buried the puck very nicely. the team spirit and full-time effort finally paid off.

repetition preferable. very much so.

note: this is not really a hockey blog - but other than a hockey victory i only have history of economic theory, japanese history or econometrics to report on ... and trust me: not that exciting.

on a side note: i was just listening to the post-game show, and some guy called in with some stats. last year the senators were leading the conference with 16-3, as stanley cup favourites; two of their losses were from the carolina hurricanes - the stanley cup champions. at this point the buffalo sabres are a stanley cup favourite with a 16-3 record; with two losses from the ottawa senators - maybe this years' stanley cup champions ... just a thought to share.

quit playing games with my heart

title says all. little tear for a lost effort.
i guess it did not help that we kept jason in our closet. guess that teaches me to reconsider what i wish for

down main

"I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear" John 16:12

going home from my discipleship group meeting, i realize that walking down the stretch of main street from hollywood to newton probably constitutes my favourite 15 minutes of the week. it is always windy, and a large volume of vehicles rush by, but once in awhile a magic moment of complete silence appears. no cars. but just as sudden the lights down the road turn green, and the rush continues. most of the vehicles carry only one person, who is probably coming home from work, ready for the weekend. also, a number of students pass by, headed towards campus, laden with a heavy bag, probably wondering the same thing i would have had it been any other day. how many days until the christmas holidays?

but its friday. coming back from discipleship group, i am not worried. not about school, not about the future. it really is a thought provoking time. i started off thinking about the number of people i want to e-mail. just to say hello. just to say i care. and just to give some encouragement.

then 3 people waited to let me walk ahead. i really wanted to pass on how much i appreciated that.

today we talked about the Holy Spirit. walking, i was thinking about my position in this world; in the lives of my family and friends. i began to wonder about how people actually saw me, whether or not i was disillusioned about being needed, or feeling loved. just a little spark of doubt. and then, i remembered. i remembered the child i was. the child of God. a picture of a father looking his at his little girl (perhaps a little driven by hollywood) came up in my head. and i knew, i need not worry. because, like i had just learned the Holy Spirit lives in me. He gives me immense comfort, and will guide me into all truth. Note: John 16:12-14.

coming home, the 15 minutes were up. and i would have to study again. i guess this may seem a little sentimental. maybe a bit silly. either way, i know i can't deny His presence. i also know that i can't be thankful enough for these moments. and want to share with all.

anyway. back to matters of school, hockey, and those other things that keep me occupied.
song for today: chasing cars - snow patrol.

bent to fit

"burn the mathematics" - Alfred Marshall.

sweet, sweet victory

beautiful hockey victory on wednesday night! scored some goals, emery was back, and even though most the of the players will "have to wrap ice around a lot of things" (quoting one of the commentators on team 1200), it was highly overdue and most unexpected (refer back to previous entry) result. hopefully it will last more than two days. but i have faith.

as the rain rolls into westdale; here is a happy reminder of summer:

Song: So Beautiful - Savage Garden :-)

i have been thinking quite a bit about next year with the posting of a housemeeting note on our fridge. the year is flying by, and we will have to make plans. i have made my plan: i am going to force all girls to resign the lease and then lock them up in sherry's closet if they do not willingly plan to stay. if that be the case i will bring them food once a day, and will make them write my papers for me, as long as no one leaves. but i cant be that mean, plus i think this is just wishful thinking. either way, i am a little sad to know we won't be altogether next year ...

why don't i just write a book about it? i might. i just might.

as for happy thoughts, happy belated birthday to Julie. hoping you were a least a bit surprised ... i guess the "eagle had landed" just a little too early for our purposes. anyways, i hope our economical version of karoake was entertaining. and yes, i do challenge y'all to sing/rap "white and nerdy" for a good work-out. yay to bok-choi, i am willing to bet my spelling of that is just as bad as my pronouniciation. on a tofu note though. just give me some real beef.

anyways, as the semester is ending, and final exams are coming awefully close, i must keep focused. i still have two midterms to write, one assignment, one essay, and one large review to do. the next few weeks do not look very promising. oh well, there is lost to look forward to: secret santa slumber party game and movie night thing and many birthdays, and christmas and hockey. oh, and not to neglect my other love; the match between netherlands and england resulted in a tie, once again. interestingly though some 57 Dutch fans were already arrested before the game.

as for interesting things i have learned this week. the Japanese constitution was actually drafted by a group of American lawyers in 1946 in one week's time. this constitution still stands, and does not allow Japan to ever enter into war, or maintain a military. i guess that's why they have resorted to a SDF (self-denfence force - not an army at all eh?). As for other interesting things, am contemplating whether to take a course on international monetary theory next semester, or to do a class on the economics of professional sport. also, should i take canadian business history or american foreign policy (the latter being a night class). these are the questions that keep me busy thinking.

boston is leading toronto now, i hope they keep it up. i am gonna study.

fruitpie and more fruitpie

Max Lucado (excerpt from He did this just for you):

"als je aan het kruis denkt, wat zie je dan voor je? Torenspitsen? Gouden kettinkjes? Kerken? Of gaan je gedachten dieper? Komen er woorden bij je boven als deze: Jezus. Spijkers. Bloed. Pijn. Dood. Graf. Graf? Leeg. Blijdschap. Belofte. Leven. Verlosser. O, de woorden van het kruis zijn zo vol pijn. Zo vol van passie. Zo vol van belofte. Gods belofte. Zijn belofte aan jou. Zijn belofte om alles te doen wat nodig is om jouw ziel te redden. Trouwens, daar denkt Hij aan. Hij denkt aan jou. En op dat moment dat jij nadenkt over het kruis, wil Hij dat je zult weten: Hij deed het voor jou. Hij deed het speciaal voor jou."

an interesting weekend at home ...

late fridayafternoon we (Sherry, Jax and G) headed up to Owen Sound, and soon learned never to "break the seal," or we all become little peemachines. but, at least it justifies a stop to stretch our legs. but after 3 hours of slow driving, it was good to come home. Spending some time in the barn, in town, on the couch, and on the trampoline, it was a pretty successful weekend, despite the excessive and obnoxious matchmaking attempts of my siblings, the hand of soap in my face, or the rather large bruise on my leg. plus the soap was green apple scented ... and we got to go to theresa's house, which was definitely the cherry on top.

on hockey matters: the weekend started off rather well with a 6-3 win over the penguins - which is all the sweeter because of my dislike for sidney crosby (who makes me feel utterly unaccomplished ... ). This feeling, however was shortlived, because the beatings began with a loss against the bruins, and tonight's loss from the canadiens. these beatings will likely continue indefinitely looking at the schedule, as, quoting sherry, "being fed to the slaughterhouse" does not look promising.

sigh, hopefully the netherlands will win in a friendly match against england, as to rekindle my other love, as my love for the senators is clearly unanswered.
i think this picture illustrates i need to work on my fan skills, my fanability, my fanaticability .... well you get the point.

note to self: i am sure we will come out of this beating with just a tiny bruise.

happy thoughts, G, happy thoughts

it's (not) just a game

allright then. i guess i should be happy because the thrashers fans are happy. i guess i should be happy because the capitals fans are happy. i guess i should be happy because the hurricanes fans are happy. i guess i should be happy because the canadiens fans are happy. i guess i should be happy because the bruins fans are happy. but i am not really feeling it. but then again it is just a game. or not? i can't really decide. am sure hoping that the above list does not get any longer.
and spezza, i am sorry, i did not really mean it.
note; we can all have a pretty bad case of pms. thus, gerber we understand.

:-) :-)
enough about hockey. went grocery shopping tonight. the fact that i had a car and did not have to carry all my purchases home made me feel better about the loss of $70. who knew toilet paper was really that expensive? well, i knew, but just did not want to know. but i got some coffee ;-)

for the upcoming weeks i have a midterm every monday, and an assignment due every thursday. and then final exams! well, i guess the only reason i can use an exclamation mark is because it ends another semester. plus i am done on the 16th, and am hoping to go to Ottawa for a few days, as well as Toronto.
the last few days i have been playing the same song for most of the day. but i did get some cleaning done, thanks to the tunes. in true G style, I have a song to last me for a week. last week it was Matchbox Twenty - Downfall. for this week, here is a little excerpt:
"Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me"

Note to self: have to try a little harder on essays to make that B an A.
If you are interested in some fascinating but heavy material: does God exist?
Considering my elementary blogging skills, i hope that link works.
now, back to studies on human capital and disease burdens

interesting: "John Strauss and Duncan Thomas found that taller men earn more money in Brazil, even after controlling for other important determinants such as education and experience. A 1% increase in height is associated with a 7% increase in wages in that middle-income country. In the United States, there is also an association, but a much smaller one, with a 1% increase in height associated with a 1% increase in wages. Moreover, shorter people are more likely to be unemployed altogether. Height reflects various benefits achieved early in life; thus one is not seeing just the impact of current income on current height. In particular, taller people receive significantly more eduction than shorter people."

comfort

"do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind"
Romans 12:2

what an amazing weekend!


SNOW!!!!


it had been a while since i had attended a studyweekend or a retreat, but am very glad i got dragged along this past weekend. it is like God knew exactly what i needed to hear.

well, God did know.

"He has showed you, o man, what is good. and what does the Lord require of you? to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" Micah 6:8

"In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:6

the speeches were very good, and very interesting. i just want to talk a little bit about a few things mentioned in the second speech. being the history nerd i am, the mentioning of C.S. Lewis and the second world war, woke me right up. C.S. Lewis, an anglican professor in Britain, had the opportunity to preach in the anglican church in 1939, the year in which WW2 broke out in Europe. while British soldiers went to fight on European mainland, Christian students were left behind, with a sense of duty to follow their countrymen into battle. C.S. Lewis, however, while acknowledging this sense of duty reminded them that if all Christians would go out and fight battles, their places in society would be filled by non-Christians. nurses, teachers, businessmen, doctors would be replaced by non-christians; and a battle at home would be lost. hereby, C.S. Lewis encouraged Christians to fulfill their tasks in their daily work, and witness through that. so also, it is not expected for all of us to go out and fight the spiritual battle, or be the "flood" that goes through the cities of this world. for our daily activities are a witness to God's glory and a part of a battle we face day to day.

the discussions after the speeches were equally rewarding and i am wishing that i took detailed notes so i could share more of the message ... but i did not. just like i did not take pictures, because i left the camera in the car in the parking lot, which was a long distance from the cabins but on a happy note: the food was simply yummy! also, there were very few people that i knew, and thus very many to meet, and i think i talked to most people, at some point, even if it was in the bathroom, or in my sleep. one of the highlights would also be the game of soccer. being the true fan, that i am, playing in the snow would be a fun challenge. and as i spend more time on the ground than on my feet, i would definitely qualify it as a challenge, or myself as challenged.



http://cyaretreat.myphotoalbum.com/

on a hockey note: i may have to accept defeat, but just not yet. okay so i may not be the only feeling a little challenged, the sens are probably there with me on that note of a feeling. the defeat against the hurricanes and the capitals were both a bad dream, and i refuse to waste any more words on them. i can't help but love 'em though, and spezza did get one assist, that has to count for something.

other than that, please dont turn off your engines after the first period.

as we had compared hockey to the school season with games being tests and assignments, and the playoffs being the final exams, i am thinking that maybe i should start studying for that mid-term coming up, if i want to follow my own words, and keep my engines running ...

rest stop

"and when my smile gets old and faded, wait around i'll smile again"

early morning yesterday i am confronted by a man who is probably 4 times my senior. how much do you know about the integration of Canada the United States and Mexico? i reply quickly that i simply knew enough in the hopes of avoiding any conversation, but oh, i looked him in the eye for a millisecond too long. 'well that is too bad' he says, while explaining that secret meetings are taking place between leaders to create one large country, united under the bush co. i accept a flyer, and run off to class in the hopes of learning more about malnutrition, diseases and worms that plague less developed countries. and the man can be satisfied in knowing that he passed on his message to the new generation. my first thought is that i dont need to be reminded that the world is going to hell. i am an optimist though. i am convinced that all people are capable of love. i think that makes me moral sentimentalist according to most standards.

7 am morning today. i swore myself i would never leave an assignment to finish on the morning it is due, i guess that thought was short-lived. interestingly, though, i had a great day. 6 hours of sleep, one dose of tim hortons, and a number of familiar faces. i saw my first-year roommate today, a hug and quick word, but yay! also got headed, well that will be my term for seeing elaine at school, and being attacked head first ... lol.

am very excited for the coming weekend. CYA retreat at Campfire! in Markdale, plus i get go home afterwards. am hoping for some good discussion, a learning experience, and many friends to make. this is assuming that i don't sleepwalk out into the deep dark woods. if i do get lost the furthest i can go would probably be mexico, or the north pole. either way i will be sure to dress appropriately.

on a last note i will have to miss the hockey game on saturday, perhaps mr. brightside will awaken, because we really need to some heatley-spezzaction. sherry it is on your shoulders to sing/cheer/dance, because we can't exhaust our last option of painting our face just yet.

new beginning

"to proceed to perform the earliest part of some action" or in simpler terms a beginning. The beginning of a new blog.